Coaching: Nice or Helpful?

It is unfortunate that Randy Pausch’s death on last Friday led me to write this post, and I am fortunate that Randy Pausch’s life has led me to write this post.

While rummaging through the endless videos and blogs honoring Randy I found an article on mentoring by Professor Kirk Martini who shared his experience when he had Randy as a college mentor. The title of his paper reflects a belief that I have about mentoring and the relationship you have with your client, “Usually Nice, Always Helpful: A Mentor’s Approach”.

Kirk begins immediately with a belief statement that I know will rub some experienced coaches the wrong way. He starts, “Being a mentor is not about being nice, it’s about being helpful.” Now this does not mean that a coach must approach the client by providing cruel and unusual punishment, when providing support effective coaching behaviors such as building trust and effective communication skills must not be overlooked. Yet at the time of support a coach must be the one who should push the hardest, demand more, and irritate you the most. A Coach should know that as hard as he/she can push, reality will always deal a stronger blow. Kirk explains that while he felt relieved when his time with Coach Randy came to a close, he knew that “Randy understood my long-term future was more important than my short-term comfort.”

Would you rather have your coach as someone who is always nice, usually helpful or usually nice, always helpful?